Country radio will no doubt be making us all swoon / weep over Valentine’s Day. Thankfully, as epic as the slushy songs are, for those who aren’t loved up, country music also has some killer anti-love songs. Some of them are literally ‘killer’.

So if you’re not in the mood for hearts and flowers, try some of these. Don’t worry, there are no tear-jerkers in here; these are the best of the angry not sad ones, of which there were a scary amount to choose from.

1. Brandy Clark, Daughter

Anti-Valentine Lyric: When you broke my heart, I wanted to cut the break line on your four wheel drive…

2. Jaron and the long Road to Love, Pray for You

Anti-Valentine Lyric: I pray your breaks go out runnin’ down a hill, I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill, and knocks you in the head like I’d like to…

3. Loretta Lynn, Don’t Come Home a Drinkin

Anti-Valentine Lyric: No don’t come home a drinkin’ with lovin’ on your mind, just stay out there on the town and see what you can find…

4. Cole Swindell, You Ain’t Worth the Whiskey

Anti-Valentine Lyric: Don’t think for a second I’m out to drown your memory, baby you ain’t worth the whiskey…

5. Jo Dee Messina, Bye Bye

Anti-Valentine Lyric: Bye bye love, I’ll catch you later, got a lead foot down on my accelerator, and the rearview mirror torn off, ’cause I ain’t never lookin’ back…

6: Maggie Rose, Looking Back Now

Anti-Valentine Lyric: Any fool should know you don’t look a woman in the eye and smile when she’s know what you’ve done and she’s holding whiskey and a gun…

7. Travis Tritt, Here’s a Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)

Anti-Valentine Lyric: Call someone who’ll listen and might give a damn… Here’s a quarter, call someone who cares…

 

Writing this list, I had to work really hard to make it not solely full of women murdering their wrong-doing blokes; Good Bye Earle, Two Black Cadillacs, Stripes, Kerosene, Gunpowder and Lead… I’m not sure whether that says more about the country music genre, about Miranda Lambert, or about me.

What are your favourite anti-love songs?

Happy Valentine’s Day,

CJ

(‘Heart-Attack’ illustration by Mysha Islam)